German article: "Men, End the Violence!"

Germany is experiencing an intense debate about violence against women and girls by men. In light of recent events, we would like to reshare our article from the weekly newspaper DIE ZEIT (2023). Unfortunately, the issue remains highly relevant and pressing.

In the article, we explore how violence against women and girls is normalized in society –including among us men – how it begins with gestures and symbolism (Bourdieu), and why men must become allies (male allies) in order to put an end to violence against women by men.

You can read the full article in German here.

Here are excerpts from the article in English:

“Violence against women by men is so pervasive that many of us barely register it. And yet all of us are part of the problem—even if we never raise a hand.”

(...)

Violence Begins with the Seemingly Harmless

The problem is that many of us as men fail to see the connection between physical violence against women and what we tend to dismiss as harmless behavior: sexist jokes, catcalling, intrusive flirting, and countless other non-physical acts. Many men still believe that simply not being physically violent is enough. That as long as we don’t hit anyone, we’ve done our part. That no further effort to challenge sexism is required. “I’m not sexist” remains one of the most common excuses used by men who choose not to engage with gender equality.

(...)

We have yet to come across a man – ourselves included – who has never made a sexist joke, or laughed at one and thereby helped normalize it. The number of men who have never interrupted a woman mid-sentence is likely just as small. And what about those everyday moments? Walking down a crowded street and subconsciously expecting others – especially women – to step aside. Rolling our eyes when women speak about sexism or feminism. These are not exceptions. They are patterns.

(...)

If we’re honest, we have to admit that every one of us has, at some point, enacted symbolic violence against women – and in many cases, we continue to do so every single day: at work, at home, and in public spaces. And in doing so, even men who never resort to physical violence help uphold a system in which women, girls, and queer people are assigned less value – and remain accepted targets of violence. Many of us are not even aware of these dynamics. Or we dismiss them as trivial. That is precisely the problem.

Real change toward a violence-free society will only happen when we as men begin to understand the link between symbolic and physical violence – and are willing to confront our own learned behaviors and patterns of thinking.

Only then can we begin to act as true allies: learning about sexism in all its forms and unlearning the behaviors that sustain it – starting with the everyday, often invisible ones.

(...)

Men as Allies Against Violence

So what does this mean right now? It means breaking our silence. Paying attention. Listening. Learning. Reflecting. Acting. It means taking a stand. Because if we don’t, our silence will continue to uphold the status quo – and make us complicit in maintaining it.

The good news: change is possible. And it starts today.

Here are some concrete steps every man can take to become an ally to women, girls, and queer people:

• Listen to women – and believe them.

• Take responsibility for educating yourself about sexism and how to challenge it.

• Reflect on your own behavior – and change it.

• Acknowledge your privilege – and use it to support change.

• Make space for women to speak, think, and lead.

• Call out sexist jokes and everyday discrimination – and understand their connection to broader violence.

• Advocate for structural change – in the workplace, in media, and in politics.

• Recognize the unequal distribution of care work – and actively work toward sharing it equally.

• Talk to other men. Challenge them. Keep the conversation going.

  
  

This list is not exhaustive – but it is a starting point. A starting point for a society in which men stop being part of the problem – and become part of the solution. Let’s not wait for the next scandal or the next set of shocking statistics. The time for men to step up as real allies is now.